Lost at Home

"I hope you’re learning to listen
And I hope you’re learning to stay
And I hope you find what you’re missing
And I hope that you’re making you’re way"

I'm watching "Lost in Translation" (2003 movie) today.  It brings me back to my days in Europe, when the language wasnt my own and made me feel lost.  When the music channel was all that amused Cem and I with a bit of English language at most hours of the day with the same songs repeating often, those were hard days.  And where else do Westerners gather but the (many) local Starbucks that can be found in Barcelona, Spain.  But, please don't remind me of the long hours of plane flights!  The best flight was the one back to London, Great Britain.  Shorter and healthy with great company, good seats, and great food upon arriving home.

Home: a concept I feel mostly while I am working at the club in the four earlier hours of the day.  Home: a concept that I do not feel my boss understands with my willingness to be there every morning if not need be for 'my family,' though I do not tell him I feel as though they are all family. 

Back to watching the movie.  Just the simple sound of a foreign emergency vehicle brings back memories of Spain.  Traveling was once a thing I didn't imagine myself doing much of.  Today, all I want to do is to travel to as many places as possible.  And the movie fails me, or my computer does, and I am turning back to reading Eat Pray Love to travel some more through India.  Until later Japan, Spain, Great Britain.  Hello again, for a moment, America.  Home. 

"I just don't know what I'm supposed to be."
"You'll figure that out. The more you know who you are, and what you want, the less you let things upset you."
       - From "Lost in Translation"

Today's Song Choice: Insomnia by Electric President

I'm about to get the movie back up and running.  Persistance: the one thing I know I have yet to lose!

"The Grass is Green"

I'm still fighting off whatever still is lingering in my body, but hopefully a few more weeks should solve this.  I've added a milk thistle supplement at least once a day, but I haven't noticed any difference with the burning pain that still exists within me in my upper right abdominal area.  It's also hard for me right now to tell what could be muscle pain from teaching the core conditioning classes at work and what is the same pain that has been there for weeks if not months.  Either way, I'm still alive and kickin'!

I'm doing a lot of research right now developing a five year plan.  Who knew that this would be harder now than it was five years ago?  College was always the easy answer when all you've known your whole life is school.  Now, with a degree in Sports Management, what will be my next steps?  There are a ton of things I would love to do, my health pending, but ultimately where do I want to be?  A friend of mine knows I am searching and tells me I will find what I am looking for within the next year.  That's a good thing, and I will trust him on that!  I know for a fact that I won't settle and will keep going until I'm happy.

Well, as the weekend is now here and I am left working much of it, I will leave you with a comic strip a friend of mine emailed me this week.  Ever wonder why the chicken crossed the road?  Here's one comic's version of the answer:

If you haven't figured it out already, clicking on the comic strip will allow you to see it enlarged.  Enjoy and have a great weekend!

"Help Yourself"

Today I started using Triple Leaf Tea Detox [http://www.tripleleaf-tea.com/detox.htm], and I will search for Celestial Seasonings Detox A.M. to add to my self treatment as well.  I will feel better.  I will feel better.  I will feel better.  Even if what it takes is good ol' Chinese medicine, then this is how it will be done!  I nearly ate a whole watermelon today to rehydrate myself after this weekend's cleanse.  My roommates enjoyed that too.  I am feeling much better already.

Saturday a friend took me out to Grand Haven, which was a nice get away.  The water was bath water warm.  The sun was gorgeous.  The place was rather packed, but I hardly noticed.  I live quite well deep inside my mind.  Talking through the adventure was great as well, to bring out the fact that I still have a hard time letting anyone in my bubble. Yes.  And, with what could be so easy, I choose to continue searching.  I think some more traveling is in my future!  Health and happiness are in my future, lol.

I'm looking forward to the new Julia Roberts movie "Eat, Love, Pray" that is to come out next month.  It looks perfect for me.  Traveling indeed!  And, with a roommate from India, India just may be on that list for the future... even if it is years down the road.

Sleep well my pretties!  Until another time...

Today's Song: "Help Yourself" by Sad Brad Smith

Truth Beyond Thoughts

The third cleanse was completed this weekend with less results, a good sign after the second cleanse!  I've decided to share with you today the largest result of cleanse number two below, which may very well have been blocking the bile duct.  Either way, I have been feeling much better!  Most of what came out otherwise was similar to the smaller mass in the picture, though many in between.  I am not planning another cleanse any time soon after the hopeful and rather clean results of this weekend's cleanse.  I am extremely happy to report this news!

4 July 2010

On July 9th I had laser surgery on both eyes and am so excited with the results!  It's still strange to me to not have to put in or take out contacts and especially not having the inconsistent sight as my contacts moved or became dry on my eyes.  To my surprise following my surgery weekend, I came home to a beautiful flower arrangement waiting on my door entryway.

How did I become so lucky?  Flowers, better health, better eyesight... The last fews months have been a fight!  And, I am thrilled to be at this point to where everything is beginning to look much better, literally!  :)

On the downside, I haven't been training much but have begun working again on my cardiorespiratory system.  This will probably take some time, but I know I am getting better with each day that passes.  I am even considering making a batch of health promoting soup that comes from Chinese medicine.  It may be something, though, that must be done at my mom's house for she has more fridge room!  It's still in consideration, so it may be some time before it is actually done.  At this point I am simply thrilled to be able to function - work, eat, sleep - and training will increase very shortly.

Side note: cleansing does have a way of producing vivid dreams.  One that I had this morning was all too real, and it occured in an interesting place I would enjoy seeing again in the future with both my mother and father present.  The dreams like this one that really get me are the ones where my dad is present.  It was an all too revealing dream.

"A Thousand Eyes"

"I don't know what to do now."  - Dan Millman in Peaceful Warrior

I have been one of those people who turns out their porch lights hoping to be left alone.  I currently enjoy my alone time as I am now lost, mostly in my head, on what to do next.  The answers used to be so easy.  It was school to college.  It was growing up into a working adult; I have been working two jobs for three years, and one of those two for a total of eight now.   I went from drinking and dating to a lot of working and training.  I pushed away most of those that have ever volunteered their time to me, and I volunteered my time to those all too willing to take it.  I stopped going to church, and then I searched for years trying to find answers while my father passed away.  I ran off to another country hopeful for love but found myself home weeks later and sick.  I turned out my porch lights mentally long ago, and I have been left alone.

"Everything has a purpose, Dan, even this.  It's up to you to find it."

My family is great, don't get me wrong.  They'd be here in a heartbeat if I weren't too stubborn to ask for help.  I have a few close friends who wish I would call them more often, and I'm sure they'd be more than willing to be here for me as well.  But, some things require clearing my own mind, fishing through it all, and finding my new direction.  This is especially true while I am doing the best to nurse myself back to health.  The second round of fasting and cleansing began this afternoon.  Look for another update tomorrow.

"Death isn't sad; the sad thing is that most [people] don't live at all."