"This Is My Life..."

I'm a hopeless romantic.

I could write here all day with the thoughts I have running through my mind.  I have a dream.  I know that no dream of mine will become true reality.  I cannot live in this false world of my brain that has visions of the possibilities.  Nothing turns out 100% as we imagine; sometimes things turn out better.

I ran away to London in March to meet a man.  Yes, I flew thousands of miles on my own to meet someone who I loved talking with.  I won't lie that I miss talking with someone for hours.  The silence I have experienced in the last couple months, the void of a single person who seems perfect in my eyes is hard to live without.  I hate coming home to roommates, but they sure are nice to keep me laughing.

But, I'd rather be laughing with someone special and dear to me.  I'm tired of not being near the top of someone's list of priorities.  I miss that.  I miss being cared about and cared for.  I miss surprises.

Lately the only surprises I have gotten have been from the health of my body.  I haven't been doing so great.  I fought off an ulcer or ulcers... it was never really fully diagnosed but was treated and took care of the pain.  I did a gallbladder cleanse and had stones come out; at twenty five years of age it was scary!  Today I went back to the doctor for some more info and suggestions.  And, Monday will have another test done.  Hopefully this is the end of the health struggles for the year.

It makes me wonder though if I was sick before I went on my trip or if my trip attributed to the oncoming pain.  A broken heart, an empty wallet, infection and abdominal pain were all things I ended up with.  I'm laughing.  Life used to be so much easier; where did those good days run off to?