There is a trouble with long distance relationships that is unlike anything else. When a fight is in full gear it is difficult to be so far away. Talking about it face to face in person simply cannot be done. I can't cry over a fight I don't understand. And, I cannot believe I am in this situation today. Two weeks ago I felt in the same situation, though in Barcelona and face to face, and I thought we were through the worst of it by the time we left.
Going to London to meet with Mr. Incredible felt like I was "coming home." But, I feel like he is in love with a person that I simply am not nor will ever be. He has a way of pushing me away since we met. Sometimes he reacts a certain way, and I wonder if he ever listened to a word I've said. "Do you remember me at all?" Am I the only one he's been talking to?
I've been dreaming and now I'm close to leaving. It's hard for me to understand what he is trying to say to me. Metaphors are not puzzles I can easily solve. And, he play's Nickelback's Far Away, a song that reminds me of us and brings tears to my face. I'm tired of fighting. I'm tired of trying to understand what you want from me when you won't tell me. I'm exhausted. I'm caffeine depleted. My energy is low. I need to know the simple answer to a simple question.
"Do you wait for me again?"
"My bed's so cold, so lonely
No arms, just sheets to hold me
Has this world stop turning?
Are we forever to be apart?"
"Do you remember me at all?
Do you remember me at all?"
Today's Song: Bullet For My Valentine's Acoustic "Hearts Burst Into Fire"
The workouts will start again as soon as the caffeine is reintroduced. Six weeks remain in my college experience. "I'm screaming. I'm dreaming." I can only hope that this all works out. I still have hope.
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Thursday, March 25, 2010
"From the Sidelines..."
I'll have to make another update on the London/Barcelona adventure. It's late, and I told Mr. Incredible I would go to bed.
There is a peace with me tonight. After a good chat with Mr. Incredible tonight, I wonder if the stars are shining brightly. Some time alone talking with mother nature and to the stars would do me some good.
A part of me didnt come home from London. A chunk of my heart didnt make the first or second flight back to the States. Mr. Incredible, oh what you do to me. Like a lightning strike, the trip was over before my stomach caught up with the flight over. And during the trip when the time was almost up, a moment of redemption was found. I never wanted to stay in London more than I did in that moment.
I never thought I would fly on a plane by myself. "I've been sitting watching life pass from the sidelines" not pushing forward hard enough to make my own dreams come true. Mr. Incredible became the dream I'd "been waiting for" to "seep in through my blinds." And in the first few days of Barcelona when the road was rough, "I wondered what might happen if I left this all behind." But, I have the hardest time getting Mr. Incredible "off my mind." The timing was right to finally fly on a plane, at "this time."
Today's Song: "This Time" by Jonathan Rhys Meyers
There is a peace with me tonight. After a good chat with Mr. Incredible tonight, I wonder if the stars are shining brightly. Some time alone talking with mother nature and to the stars would do me some good.
A part of me didnt come home from London. A chunk of my heart didnt make the first or second flight back to the States. Mr. Incredible, oh what you do to me. Like a lightning strike, the trip was over before my stomach caught up with the flight over. And during the trip when the time was almost up, a moment of redemption was found. I never wanted to stay in London more than I did in that moment.
I never thought I would fly on a plane by myself. "I've been sitting watching life pass from the sidelines" not pushing forward hard enough to make my own dreams come true. Mr. Incredible became the dream I'd "been waiting for" to "seep in through my blinds." And in the first few days of Barcelona when the road was rough, "I wondered what might happen if I left this all behind." But, I have the hardest time getting Mr. Incredible "off my mind." The timing was right to finally fly on a plane, at "this time."
Today's Song: "This Time" by Jonathan Rhys Meyers
Saturday, March 6, 2010
“Got Me Singin’”
Today’s adventure: It’s Saturday! After I finally rolled out of bed, had breakfast and showered, I eventually reached both the tanning salon and the gym for the LEG day. Whooo!
With less than a week before my departure, it seemed quite fitting that I would have made any mention to a state trooper today, while I was at the gym working out. I have everyone looking out for me in this town! And still, “I can’t keep out” as you’ve “got me singin’ like na na na na everyday!” Now, if only if this shorty had an iPod. Ha.
This song by Sean Kingston came on the radio as I was baking my body earlier today. I couldn’t resist the urge to dance within the stand up tanner. And since that dance, it’s like I’ve been “stuck on replay, replay-ay-ay-ay” both singin’ and dancin’ to this song. Who’s going to stop me? It’s about time I am excited for something that isn’t directly work related! But, ‘til next week, I will have this “melody in my head that I can’t keep out.”
The workout did go well, though lifting heavier than normal on my squat sets left me nearly down and out. A short break allowed me to finish strong. I wish I could say that I’ve made the gains I’ve hoped for in the last few weeks, but I don’t feel there. There is certainly more consistent work that needs to be done! More consistent sleep and food would help, but one thing at a time. Workouts will increase as the college workload comes near an end; there are only nine weeks left to go!
For Mr. Incredible: So, less than a week before “the first time we [meet].” No matter what happens, “we’re real worldwide, breakin all the rules.” And by the time I leave, I’ll have you singin: “see you been all around the globe/not once did you leave my mind/we talk on the phone, from night til the morn/girl you really change my life. … Shawty's like a melody in my head/That I can't keep out/Got me singin' like/Na na na na everyday/It's like my iPod stuck on replay, replay-ay-ay-ay”
“Ay, na na na na na na na
Na na na na na na
Shawty got me singin
Na na na na na na na
Na na na na na na na
Now she got me singin
Shawty's like a melody in my head
That I can't keep out
Got me singin' like
Na na na na everyday
It's like my iPod stuck on replay, replay-ay-ay-ay”
Today's song: Sean Kingston's "Replay"
With less than a week before my departure, it seemed quite fitting that I would have made any mention to a state trooper today, while I was at the gym working out. I have everyone looking out for me in this town! And still, “I can’t keep out” as you’ve “got me singin’ like na na na na everyday!” Now, if only if this shorty had an iPod. Ha.
This song by Sean Kingston came on the radio as I was baking my body earlier today. I couldn’t resist the urge to dance within the stand up tanner. And since that dance, it’s like I’ve been “stuck on replay, replay-ay-ay-ay” both singin’ and dancin’ to this song. Who’s going to stop me? It’s about time I am excited for something that isn’t directly work related! But, ‘til next week, I will have this “melody in my head that I can’t keep out.”
The workout did go well, though lifting heavier than normal on my squat sets left me nearly down and out. A short break allowed me to finish strong. I wish I could say that I’ve made the gains I’ve hoped for in the last few weeks, but I don’t feel there. There is certainly more consistent work that needs to be done! More consistent sleep and food would help, but one thing at a time. Workouts will increase as the college workload comes near an end; there are only nine weeks left to go!
For Mr. Incredible: So, less than a week before “the first time we [meet].” No matter what happens, “we’re real worldwide, breakin all the rules.” And by the time I leave, I’ll have you singin: “see you been all around the globe/not once did you leave my mind/we talk on the phone, from night til the morn/girl you really change my life. … Shawty's like a melody in my head/That I can't keep out/Got me singin' like/Na na na na everyday/It's like my iPod stuck on replay, replay-ay-ay-ay”
“Ay, na na na na na na na
Na na na na na na
Shawty got me singin
Na na na na na na na
Na na na na na na na
Now she got me singin
Shawty's like a melody in my head
That I can't keep out
Got me singin' like
Na na na na everyday
It's like my iPod stuck on replay, replay-ay-ay-ay”
Today's song: Sean Kingston's "Replay"
Friday, March 5, 2010
“I Got That Stamina”
Link to today’s song choice: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=65l8zVTp5Zo
I often refer to myself as Vicki from Small Wonder, the robot girl who would ‘sleep’ in the closet. And, as one who seems to work nonstop and rarely sleeps, I’m “tired of charging my batteries;” I have far too much I want to do! For those without my stamina, it’s too bad you’re not my competition.
The big initial interview is less than a week away now! I know it will “shock me, change me, … keep me going, [and] make me feel brand new.” But, it also brings to the front of the table the fact that “I need somebody in my life who’se got that extra titanium;” it’s a big reason for the occasion. But, as I have said before: anything is possible. Will you repeat that back to me? Or “can you keep up with me tonight?” I could “show you all the reasons [why] I go so far.”
So far, my training has been lacking this week. Despite having three good mornings at the gym working, I’ve had to put long hours into job numero dos before I head off on some vacation time. Feeling as though my week has been compressed and with mid-semester exams next week, I still have much to do before I take off! Still, I hope to work out every body part again before my body runs off into the unknown.
My most recent status update was: do what scares you the most, but my history might reveal my chronic contemplation. Yes, folks, I have a severe case of behavioral procrastination that I am trying to fight off! Do you “know how to power me?” I find that living where the cold is brings the most frustration as my best gains come in the late summer after plenty of hard work. Then, it’s all downhill as the snow begins to come down and linger for months! It’s about this time, when the days are obviously getting longer and the weather begins to warm, that I get excited; my blood is beginning to boil with the thrill of what may come next. So, here I sit fighting, doing my best to shock myself into action.
“Can you keep up with me tonight? ... I got that stamina!”
“5-4-3-2-1, time to launch it. I can’t seem to stop.”
Today’s song: “Stamina” by Cozi Costi
I often refer to myself as Vicki from Small Wonder, the robot girl who would ‘sleep’ in the closet. And, as one who seems to work nonstop and rarely sleeps, I’m “tired of charging my batteries;” I have far too much I want to do! For those without my stamina, it’s too bad you’re not my competition.
The big initial interview is less than a week away now! I know it will “shock me, change me, … keep me going, [and] make me feel brand new.” But, it also brings to the front of the table the fact that “I need somebody in my life who’se got that extra titanium;” it’s a big reason for the occasion. But, as I have said before: anything is possible. Will you repeat that back to me? Or “can you keep up with me tonight?” I could “show you all the reasons [why] I go so far.”
So far, my training has been lacking this week. Despite having three good mornings at the gym working, I’ve had to put long hours into job numero dos before I head off on some vacation time. Feeling as though my week has been compressed and with mid-semester exams next week, I still have much to do before I take off! Still, I hope to work out every body part again before my body runs off into the unknown.
My most recent status update was: do what scares you the most, but my history might reveal my chronic contemplation. Yes, folks, I have a severe case of behavioral procrastination that I am trying to fight off! Do you “know how to power me?” I find that living where the cold is brings the most frustration as my best gains come in the late summer after plenty of hard work. Then, it’s all downhill as the snow begins to come down and linger for months! It’s about this time, when the days are obviously getting longer and the weather begins to warm, that I get excited; my blood is beginning to boil with the thrill of what may come next. So, here I sit fighting, doing my best to shock myself into action.
“Can you keep up with me tonight? ... I got that stamina!”
“5-4-3-2-1, time to launch it. I can’t seem to stop.”
Today’s song: “Stamina” by Cozi Costi
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