Yesterday wasn't easy. It's more apparent to me tonight, as I go back over my crazy ramble of thoughts from the night before. I've been tired, and I just woke up from a short sleep. I miss dad at times of the year like now. He comes up in my thoughts constantly with moments that I wish he were here to share the details with. He'd like, I think, how things are beginning to look up after a long hard year.
Dad hated this song "Angel" by Sarah McLachlan. Everytime it played he complained about it being too slow. It sure isn't his Carlos Santana. I find comfort in this song, though it is probably one of the few songs that could most likely make me cry. The piano and her soft voice are soothing. Unfortunately some of her poor grammer in the song really gets me. Ha
After a rough day with food yesterday, I ate a ton of food tonight for dinner. With a few more hours of sleep ahead of me tonight, I should be ready for some good workouts tomorrow after work. It's too bad I'm feeling really dehydrated right now. But, I'll fix that thoroughly before I leave work tomorrow. Weight lifting is in order! There is much to do tomorrow and more food to conquer!
Monday, November 22, 2010
About A Girl...
This last week I experienced the opportunity to enjoy laughter from my boss's, boss's boss. As he spoke kindly to me about the strange and unfortunate situation I have been in, I enjoyed the moment of sharing person to person the wonders of this life. It was a moment I won't too soon forget. Besides, who leaves their boss's side at 7 or 8am to speak to me just before more corporate bodies pour into the workplace? Really? It was sweet.
I was the girl behind the glasses growing up. I didn't receive my first contacts until I was a junior and in a class with all boys; yes, I was the only girl in drafting class. I kissed two boys during high school. One had me hold his pot in my jacket while we were at a football game so he didn't lose it; the other ended up in prison at least a couple times. My best friend through the years listened to sick music, smoked, dropped out of school, got pregnant, and eventually earned her diploma. I was a straight A student with perfect attendence who rarely didn't ride the bus to school.
I was passionate about two things: art and writing. Math skills were passed down to me from dad, and I excelled, but I could sit in the backyard for hours and draw or write. In ninth grade spanish class the professor asked us all several questions, one of them being what we would be if we could be anything. I wrote down an Olympic diver, but I barely swim. With two parents who weren't very healthy, I somehow ended up with a passion for health, nutrition and a degree in sports management. I rarely watch sports, but I once painted a golfer.
I had few friends growing up and avoided making enemies, though I doubt I ever talked enough to do so. One guy still bullied me when I was mistaken for someone else on the elementary playground; I got shoved down a hill. I was skinny, short, and was pulled into an office to get weighed, unlike the other middle school students in gym class. I love being called Zimmerman, but I was usually one of the last to get chosen in gym class. I'll never forget the time I intercepted the football, the time Korey high-fived me when I hit Corey during a tennis match, or the time Coach B. let me sit out the rest of the volleyball games for the year after hitting the ball into the rafters one day. I told him from the beginning I didn't want to play.
I started slouching in high school when I sat in the back row with Mike and Amy in english class. It was the same class I found myself bored enough to teach myself how to raise both eyebrows separately and back and forth. My posture has never been the same, Amy got engaged to some big, bald guy, and Mike got fat. I took what required english classes I needed in college, and then did an awesome speech on slam poetry for a poetry class. Amy and Mike were two of my favorite people, both runners like me with beautiful characters. Amy was also a great art student and my husband for a psychology project where we had a child together; I still have that project somewhere.
I spent most of my later high school years scared. Grandpa had passed while I was a sophomore; I remember sitting in math class, someone listening to Eminem, and myself replaying in my head what dad had said to me just days ago about it possibly being the last time I would ever see Grandpa. I was sad knowing I would never see him alive again, but I didn't want to remember him starved and thin. Grandpa looked great in his light blue suit with false colors on his cheeks the last time I saw him. I was more scared, though, knowing the fight my dad had been fighting.
Hospital corridors, in home nurses, cans of feeding tube "food" aren't supposed to be in childhood memories. I didn't turn down a time to go to the drive-in theater with Joy and Brandon because I knew they're be shooting stars I could wish upon, wish upon hoping I could take some of dad's pain. He should have had more years; he'll never walk his daughters down an aisle on wedding days or hold grandbabies.
I've had a pain in my side this year that doctors can't seem to figure out. I'd like to keep it confined to 2010, but I don't know that it will happen. I don't really get a choice in this one either. I'm tired of doctors, lab tests, and hospital visits. Tonight my brother drew a mark with a permanent pen on my side right where I was holding my finger on the highest level of pain with applied pressure. I love this kid! We were watching the movie Blindside, I was holding onto my side, and my mind was going through all the experiences I've gone through. My mind continues to do so.
Whatever it is that is just loving my side from the insides needs to come out. I might just have to see the specialist again, but it is going to have to wait until after Thanksgiving. And, I will probably have to reward myself with a massage after going through more crap with doctors who serve their community with cookie cutters, if you know what I mean. I don't eat or sleep much these days, but I'm not scared or too worried.
I've seen a lot thus far and have shared time and special moments with a lot of people. But, Lord, I have a lot of life I want to live yet! I have a nice, young man I want to spend a lot more time with, someone who I am far too far away from at the moment. I have a brother who I made promises to about our kids playing together. I have new passions to discover and new work to be found. I shall have to move at least a few more times in this lifetime, and get down to one car load of crap! I have mountains to climb and faith to exercise. There is so much yet to be added to what has already been.
Sleep must be had first!
I was the girl behind the glasses growing up. I didn't receive my first contacts until I was a junior and in a class with all boys; yes, I was the only girl in drafting class. I kissed two boys during high school. One had me hold his pot in my jacket while we were at a football game so he didn't lose it; the other ended up in prison at least a couple times. My best friend through the years listened to sick music, smoked, dropped out of school, got pregnant, and eventually earned her diploma. I was a straight A student with perfect attendence who rarely didn't ride the bus to school.
I was passionate about two things: art and writing. Math skills were passed down to me from dad, and I excelled, but I could sit in the backyard for hours and draw or write. In ninth grade spanish class the professor asked us all several questions, one of them being what we would be if we could be anything. I wrote down an Olympic diver, but I barely swim. With two parents who weren't very healthy, I somehow ended up with a passion for health, nutrition and a degree in sports management. I rarely watch sports, but I once painted a golfer.
I had few friends growing up and avoided making enemies, though I doubt I ever talked enough to do so. One guy still bullied me when I was mistaken for someone else on the elementary playground; I got shoved down a hill. I was skinny, short, and was pulled into an office to get weighed, unlike the other middle school students in gym class. I love being called Zimmerman, but I was usually one of the last to get chosen in gym class. I'll never forget the time I intercepted the football, the time Korey high-fived me when I hit Corey during a tennis match, or the time Coach B. let me sit out the rest of the volleyball games for the year after hitting the ball into the rafters one day. I told him from the beginning I didn't want to play.
I started slouching in high school when I sat in the back row with Mike and Amy in english class. It was the same class I found myself bored enough to teach myself how to raise both eyebrows separately and back and forth. My posture has never been the same, Amy got engaged to some big, bald guy, and Mike got fat. I took what required english classes I needed in college, and then did an awesome speech on slam poetry for a poetry class. Amy and Mike were two of my favorite people, both runners like me with beautiful characters. Amy was also a great art student and my husband for a psychology project where we had a child together; I still have that project somewhere.
I spent most of my later high school years scared. Grandpa had passed while I was a sophomore; I remember sitting in math class, someone listening to Eminem, and myself replaying in my head what dad had said to me just days ago about it possibly being the last time I would ever see Grandpa. I was sad knowing I would never see him alive again, but I didn't want to remember him starved and thin. Grandpa looked great in his light blue suit with false colors on his cheeks the last time I saw him. I was more scared, though, knowing the fight my dad had been fighting.
Hospital corridors, in home nurses, cans of feeding tube "food" aren't supposed to be in childhood memories. I didn't turn down a time to go to the drive-in theater with Joy and Brandon because I knew they're be shooting stars I could wish upon, wish upon hoping I could take some of dad's pain. He should have had more years; he'll never walk his daughters down an aisle on wedding days or hold grandbabies.
I've had a pain in my side this year that doctors can't seem to figure out. I'd like to keep it confined to 2010, but I don't know that it will happen. I don't really get a choice in this one either. I'm tired of doctors, lab tests, and hospital visits. Tonight my brother drew a mark with a permanent pen on my side right where I was holding my finger on the highest level of pain with applied pressure. I love this kid! We were watching the movie Blindside, I was holding onto my side, and my mind was going through all the experiences I've gone through. My mind continues to do so.
Whatever it is that is just loving my side from the insides needs to come out. I might just have to see the specialist again, but it is going to have to wait until after Thanksgiving. And, I will probably have to reward myself with a massage after going through more crap with doctors who serve their community with cookie cutters, if you know what I mean. I don't eat or sleep much these days, but I'm not scared or too worried.
I've seen a lot thus far and have shared time and special moments with a lot of people. But, Lord, I have a lot of life I want to live yet! I have a nice, young man I want to spend a lot more time with, someone who I am far too far away from at the moment. I have a brother who I made promises to about our kids playing together. I have new passions to discover and new work to be found. I shall have to move at least a few more times in this lifetime, and get down to one car load of crap! I have mountains to climb and faith to exercise. There is so much yet to be added to what has already been.
Sleep must be had first!
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Moments When God Shines Through
I passed a cop directing traffic around a dead deer on the opposite side of the highway and was sure in that moment that this would be the morning that either I would finally get pulled over for speeding after just talking about that with a friend the night before OR that I would be late for work. Thankfully, neither happened; luck was on my side. OR, better yet, perhaps God was keeping a closer eye on me today.
Don't worry, right? Be happy.
But, this morning at work started out rough. First, I woke up nearly a quarter after four a.m; that's late for me. I typically leave the house twenty-five after, so I did a bit of rushing around. Once at work, which was on time, I was fairly "out of it" for the first half hour. I was still productive by cleaning out old information in our communications folder, making copies of our new client forms that were low, organizing the desk and office without actually white-gloving the place, and attempting my best to still greet everyone with at least a "good morning" and a smile as the rush came in. Lucky for me, with my lack of rest the night before, I am a pro at my job and can make it through any challenge.
Better yet, I've learned how to be persistent with the members, both old and new, and typically get a wave or "good morning Sara" before I even wipe the smile off my face in order to speak out some words of good morning myself. [I am absolutely a people person, and I don't know what I'll do if I ever find myself employed away from large numbers of people.] But today, I struck it rich with one of the members who is rather new to my morning regulars. I got worried he was going to challenge me with a great question as he approached my desk, having turned around once he was nearly halfway out of the club already. I was in my ready stance, huge smile on my face knowing I had already spoke a good morning to him once and made eye contact with a smile a couple times during the morning as well. With a kind smile on his face he complimented me on my smile, and it made my day as I introduced myself to this new regular and felt confident that I just made another boost in member retention. [Yes, he turned around and added the extra handfuls of steps to his day to pay me a very nice compliment!] I love my morning regulars!
There is one in particular that I struggle with though. Almost every morning is challenged with this one attention-demanding person. But, I have my good days and my okay days in keeping my annoyed thoughts in the back seat. Today was an especially great day though. I don't know what it was, because I know I didn't have any shot glass full of instant and extreme courage, confidence, and humility on the way to work. But, this member and I shared hysterical laughs, sensitive personal life details, and had a blast of fun in only a handful of minutes. I only wish that there was an instant gait and posture fix for this member, which would bring this short story a perfectionist's touch.
Another moment of my day, however, did surprise me with a perfect few words, that any normal person would have thought was the cherry to top it all off. Out of nowhere a member popped up in front of me while I was working at the desk and began with the words "I want to brag a moment." Those words at the gym make my biggest smile shine! The member continued to tell about a great weight loss with great discipline and hard work. But, the best couple of words to touch my heart was the indirect thank you as the member spoke about the slight changes in diet that were made "as [I] suggested." Bingo! This is another reason why I love my work; I influence lives for the better even when I least expect to. "As you suggested" never sounded so good!
My "normal" day didn't end there though. [Insert instant big, fat grin here!] I had sweet text messages on my phone from extremely early in my morning that continued smiles across the face of a coworker at the office. Sharing jokes with dear Rex on my way out from visiting the office space added some laughter to my day. And an almost postponed trip to the auto repair shop would have caused me to miss out on sharing some great conversation and laughs, as well as three hugs, with a jolly old man. [I also would have missed my few mile walk to the park and back to the shop that I took while repairs were being made.] But, I may have to update this bit about the jolly man, who overheard my email address as I gave it to the sales guy to get my bonus deal for the auto shop. If I get an email, let's say his memory is that good, then I will have to add to this story another day. But for today, as short as the day felt with shorter than ten hours of daylight, some of the best moments occurred when I least expected them.
So, don't worry. Just be happy. Let that smile shine. Like Leo Buscaglia once said: perhaps this life is your gift from God, and what you do with it is your gift to God. Make the most of it!
"If you see someone without a smile, give them one of yours." I'll see you soon...
With a smile,
Sara
Don't worry, right? Be happy.
But, this morning at work started out rough. First, I woke up nearly a quarter after four a.m; that's late for me. I typically leave the house twenty-five after, so I did a bit of rushing around. Once at work, which was on time, I was fairly "out of it" for the first half hour. I was still productive by cleaning out old information in our communications folder, making copies of our new client forms that were low, organizing the desk and office without actually white-gloving the place, and attempting my best to still greet everyone with at least a "good morning" and a smile as the rush came in. Lucky for me, with my lack of rest the night before, I am a pro at my job and can make it through any challenge.
Better yet, I've learned how to be persistent with the members, both old and new, and typically get a wave or "good morning Sara" before I even wipe the smile off my face in order to speak out some words of good morning myself. [I am absolutely a people person, and I don't know what I'll do if I ever find myself employed away from large numbers of people.] But today, I struck it rich with one of the members who is rather new to my morning regulars. I got worried he was going to challenge me with a great question as he approached my desk, having turned around once he was nearly halfway out of the club already. I was in my ready stance, huge smile on my face knowing I had already spoke a good morning to him once and made eye contact with a smile a couple times during the morning as well. With a kind smile on his face he complimented me on my smile, and it made my day as I introduced myself to this new regular and felt confident that I just made another boost in member retention. [Yes, he turned around and added the extra handfuls of steps to his day to pay me a very nice compliment!] I love my morning regulars!
There is one in particular that I struggle with though. Almost every morning is challenged with this one attention-demanding person. But, I have my good days and my okay days in keeping my annoyed thoughts in the back seat. Today was an especially great day though. I don't know what it was, because I know I didn't have any shot glass full of instant and extreme courage, confidence, and humility on the way to work. But, this member and I shared hysterical laughs, sensitive personal life details, and had a blast of fun in only a handful of minutes. I only wish that there was an instant gait and posture fix for this member, which would bring this short story a perfectionist's touch.
Another moment of my day, however, did surprise me with a perfect few words, that any normal person would have thought was the cherry to top it all off. Out of nowhere a member popped up in front of me while I was working at the desk and began with the words "I want to brag a moment." Those words at the gym make my biggest smile shine! The member continued to tell about a great weight loss with great discipline and hard work. But, the best couple of words to touch my heart was the indirect thank you as the member spoke about the slight changes in diet that were made "as [I] suggested." Bingo! This is another reason why I love my work; I influence lives for the better even when I least expect to. "As you suggested" never sounded so good!
My "normal" day didn't end there though. [Insert instant big, fat grin here!] I had sweet text messages on my phone from extremely early in my morning that continued smiles across the face of a coworker at the office. Sharing jokes with dear Rex on my way out from visiting the office space added some laughter to my day. And an almost postponed trip to the auto repair shop would have caused me to miss out on sharing some great conversation and laughs, as well as three hugs, with a jolly old man. [I also would have missed my few mile walk to the park and back to the shop that I took while repairs were being made.] But, I may have to update this bit about the jolly man, who overheard my email address as I gave it to the sales guy to get my bonus deal for the auto shop. If I get an email, let's say his memory is that good, then I will have to add to this story another day. But for today, as short as the day felt with shorter than ten hours of daylight, some of the best moments occurred when I least expected them.
So, don't worry. Just be happy. Let that smile shine. Like Leo Buscaglia once said: perhaps this life is your gift from God, and what you do with it is your gift to God. Make the most of it!
"If you see someone without a smile, give them one of yours." I'll see you soon...
With a smile,
Sara
Monday, November 8, 2010
Ten Hour Sunlight And Falling
A 7:26 sunrise tomorrow will start the day off right with a new run.
Morning update: Morning run a success! Best part: smelling fresh laundry fumes while running up Leonard. Losing music half way through and not realizing for almost a mile: priceless. Having communication with many of the neighbors so early in the morning: exciting! Coming home to rush through breakfast to get to work: bummer. Either way: a great way to start the morning!
Morning update: Morning run a success! Best part: smelling fresh laundry fumes while running up Leonard. Losing music half way through and not realizing for almost a mile: priceless. Having communication with many of the neighbors so early in the morning: exciting! Coming home to rush through breakfast to get to work: bummer. Either way: a great way to start the morning!
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Another Countdown!
It's about raising money for Grand Rapids Public Schools...
It's about pushing my body...
It's about joining friends for a bit of competition...
It's about putting miles on my shoes...
It's about breathing in the fresh air of the outdoors...
It's about burning off the calories before I consume them...
It's about seeing if anyone dresses up as a turkey...
to run the 5K Turkey Trot!
It's another excuse to work hard and count down days!
I still have yet to sign up, but it's on my list of things to do tomorrow. The weeks are going faster as work is slowly picking up, and I am finding more things that need to be accomplished in my own life. I'm listening to Three Days Grace's Break at the moment getting ready to do some intense bouts of exercise and cleaning before I have to wind down for bed. Tomorrow's a big day to tackle a lot of items on the to do list! But, for now, I have a workout to warm up for! See you soon... perhaps tomorrow!
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Monday, November 1, 2010
I Am That Gal...
People look at me funny, and I don't care. I am the gal with produce right up under my nose to smell whether or not it is fresh. I smell the vine tomatoes and will not purchase them if they don't smell like a fresh-picked tomato! I was that gal today. [Enter huge smile here!]
I don't have much to say today. I'm still watching the moon through all of its phases, knowing that I'm not the only one looking at that same moon all day. I've been having crazy dreams this week, last night's starring my dad. I apparently started taking, somehow, public transportation to work and failed to get to work on time. These are two things I don't normally deal with, ever, and them to top it off dad was all over in the dream. How'd that happen? [I laugh.] My diet seems better, sleep better, despite still being awake tonight with an early morning at the gym tomorrow, and I'm working on the exercise... slowly. The dryer finally buzzed with my clean laundry, so I'd say everything is going quite well.
Other random facts for the day...
My dad taught me how to have a lead foot. If you're in the passing lane driving slower than me and too stubborn to move to the other lane, I'm that gal riding your rear and flashing my lights. I'm also one of the minority who are blinker-users. MICHIGANIANS: learn to drive or get off the road. One thing I look forward to: next year's road construction cones. They are a clear sign that the snow is over and stupid drivers are a little safer to be around. Until then... let it snow, let it snow, let it snow.
See you at the gym in the morning!
I don't have much to say today. I'm still watching the moon through all of its phases, knowing that I'm not the only one looking at that same moon all day. I've been having crazy dreams this week, last night's starring my dad. I apparently started taking, somehow, public transportation to work and failed to get to work on time. These are two things I don't normally deal with, ever, and them to top it off dad was all over in the dream. How'd that happen? [I laugh.] My diet seems better, sleep better, despite still being awake tonight with an early morning at the gym tomorrow, and I'm working on the exercise... slowly. The dryer finally buzzed with my clean laundry, so I'd say everything is going quite well.
Other random facts for the day...
My dad taught me how to have a lead foot. If you're in the passing lane driving slower than me and too stubborn to move to the other lane, I'm that gal riding your rear and flashing my lights. I'm also one of the minority who are blinker-users. MICHIGANIANS: learn to drive or get off the road. One thing I look forward to: next year's road construction cones. They are a clear sign that the snow is over and stupid drivers are a little safer to be around. Until then... let it snow, let it snow, let it snow.
See you at the gym in the morning!
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