I'm happy, but I am also scared. I'm anxious for what is coming next in my life. Work has been great, and my reputation stands strong within my market and regional leadership. My personal life is getting better and better every day. What a difference a year makes! Ha ha. My schooling for physical therapy is just ahead of me, and I cannot wait to dive deep into my observational hours this next year. I am so lucky to have the life I live! I am excited to see the progress the next year will bring!
It's still a very difficult time of the year for me. I probably repeat myself on this topic with every recent post. The holidays are fast approaching, and I work in the retail industry. My schooling is getting deep into material. Add the two together and my spare time is next to none. I am doing my best to keep as balanced as possible, and I am so far exceeding. I am hoping the cold weather and snow take their time arriving. I would like to get through the rest of this year without any additional stress.
I'm not ready to reveal every detail that is going on in my world, but I can say that their is one specific person in this world who has been impacting my life recently in several subtle ways. [If you're reading this and you're this one person, hold me close and never let go.] It's as though my life's chemical makeup is experiencing plate tectonic movement, my thoughts and emotions are experiencing unfamiliar vibrations, and my world could at any moment encounter a rush of change. I doubt the changes in my world will be quite as extreme as a geomagnetic reversal, but it carries a similar level of impact in this short life of mine.
Now that I have successfully excited you with my science analogies, I would personally like a weekend just to lie under the stars and watch the world turn. I look forward to life slowing down next year so I may do exactly this! Less than 13 weeks to go!
Friday, October 4, 2013
Tuesday, September 24, 2013
"Perfect Timing"
I've been feeling burnt out lately. Despite recently mentioning how I am loving my job more and more, I am in the busiest time of year and am having a hard time keeping up with all of the changes. It's nothing new; it happens every year. Still, in my position, the weight on my shoulders is heavy, and I would like to be able to have a clean desk again. The last two mornings I went in at 6 am to have some quiet time to get some important things caught up. I am going to try to only work a half day tomorrow, so I can relax before my evening college class exam.
I know my class is draining me, as I have not been adequately spending time outside of class to study the material. It's only one of many things I am trying to juggle in my mind, though, and it hasn't been anywhere near the top of my priority list. I am concerned about the first exam I have tomorrow. I know that the material only becomes more complex from here. I may have to cancel my fall drive up north to study. But, I feel that finding a quiet place to study away from my normal distractions may be more beneficial than my staying home to study; I'm not as motivated to study when there are so many other things that I'd rather give my attention to at home.
This last weekend, I had a visitor in town who received all my attention. Who knew how quickly a year could pass and then just a week almost on a whim could have a friend from far away sharing the weekend with me. I believe my friend and I had "perfect timing" in making this last weekend work, and I can only hope that this "perfect timing" continues into the future.
I know my class is draining me, as I have not been adequately spending time outside of class to study the material. It's only one of many things I am trying to juggle in my mind, though, and it hasn't been anywhere near the top of my priority list. I am concerned about the first exam I have tomorrow. I know that the material only becomes more complex from here. I may have to cancel my fall drive up north to study. But, I feel that finding a quiet place to study away from my normal distractions may be more beneficial than my staying home to study; I'm not as motivated to study when there are so many other things that I'd rather give my attention to at home.
This last weekend, I had a visitor in town who received all my attention. Who knew how quickly a year could pass and then just a week almost on a whim could have a friend from far away sharing the weekend with me. I believe my friend and I had "perfect timing" in making this last weekend work, and I can only hope that this "perfect timing" continues into the future.
Friday, September 13, 2013
The Gift of Love
I don't know exactly why today has been so emotionally
difficult. Part of it may be that I had a long, hard week with work, college
classes, friends, and family. Maybe it’s
because I have a theoretical empty space in my heart, a feeling of not being
completely whole. Perhaps it has
everything to do with my thoughts about my goals for the next year. And, another part of my mind tells me it has
something to do with choices I’ve made in the past and wondering today, with an
effect like disrupting a still body of water while unintentionally kicking up
the sand while walking through it, how relationships with my family may be
different had certain things happened differently. I still know I’m right where I want to be, I’m
simply impatient for what is to come. Still,
today has been a tear-jerker of a day, and the fall weather is setting in too,
which hasn’t helped cheer up the day.
I feel like in writing a few sentences, I may have answered my own question; maybe I know exactly why today has been difficult. Family and friends have been on vacation recently, and I have been tending to their usual needs while away. The tasks were nothing I couldn’t handle, and I was pleased to be able to help. Work is going well, and I tried to get caught up best I could. I’m still so far behind in getting donation processing completed, imaging paperwork copied and sent in, and I would have liked to have made more phone calls before my time was up today to get all of the hiring set up for next week. My boss likes to remind me that I am doing a great job, but I’m exhausted. And, I’m not just exhausted from work; college has me embracing organic chemistry with every spare moment I am willing to allow it. I need to remind myself I need more sleep so that I may better focus when I sit down to study. My friends have been great and are keeping me pumped up with the last few runs of the year coming quickly and also are slowly filling up my running calendar for next year. I am getting better, too, at sharing my feelings with my family and reminding them of the love and appreciation I have for them.
The theoretical empty space in my heart is really an overflowing desire to pour out more love and appreciation. I wish so badly that there was one person in my life that could say to me, “you’re worth everything.” I haven’t found that person, yet. My mother likes to remind me how I have so many [single male] friends. Yes, I do have them. But, despite frequent hopeful attempts and opening my world up to people, I haven’t found the open arms and strong emotional connection I desire. I was just told today, from one of the guys I went on a few dates with last year and am still friends with, that I’m intimidating. It made me chuckle; I’m not scary. I’m very soft and kind-hearted. My girlfriends laughed when one of them said to me “I can’t figure out what’s wrong with you,” in relation to me not having luck with men. I figure it’s the world’s way of saying that the man meant for me is still having work done in his heart and isn’t done “growing” yet. Or, maybe I’m not quite done “growing.”
I’ve come a long way since my days as a fearless high school graduate in Grand Rapids, Michigan. Today I watched “TheUltimate Gift,” a movie I watched years ago and recently read the sequel that was created into a movie as well that is just out in theaters. It’s a tear-jerker and made me think about things that I’ve done, about my life with my dad, about my relationships with my siblings, and about the distance between extended family members. We all seem to create our own families with the people we love around us, blood-relatives or not. I do my best to live in the moment with all of them. This can be difficult with my future-thinking as I move toward my dreams and also with my stresses and deadlines with work and college, but I feel good about my friendships and fearlessly living in the moments.
Another reason why I know I’m struggling now is because for more than five minutes I sat thinking about my life with suppressed fears surfacing; I have fears that I don’t communicate with my family or friends. I put on this happy face and remind myself to be strong every day. I am so grateful for all I have, and I hope that all of my dietary changes in the last few years allow me many, many more years to be grateful for. I remember going to the drive-ins during high school summer break and praying during the meteor shower, desiring more years for my dad even if it mean transferring some of what he was going through to me. But, any good-hearted person going through such a disease wouldn’t wish it upon even their worst enemy. And, writing it out helps me release these worries and stress. It would be a tragedy for me to leave this world without spreading the love and knowledge I have to more people!
I feel like in writing a few sentences, I may have answered my own question; maybe I know exactly why today has been difficult. Family and friends have been on vacation recently, and I have been tending to their usual needs while away. The tasks were nothing I couldn’t handle, and I was pleased to be able to help. Work is going well, and I tried to get caught up best I could. I’m still so far behind in getting donation processing completed, imaging paperwork copied and sent in, and I would have liked to have made more phone calls before my time was up today to get all of the hiring set up for next week. My boss likes to remind me that I am doing a great job, but I’m exhausted. And, I’m not just exhausted from work; college has me embracing organic chemistry with every spare moment I am willing to allow it. I need to remind myself I need more sleep so that I may better focus when I sit down to study. My friends have been great and are keeping me pumped up with the last few runs of the year coming quickly and also are slowly filling up my running calendar for next year. I am getting better, too, at sharing my feelings with my family and reminding them of the love and appreciation I have for them.
The theoretical empty space in my heart is really an overflowing desire to pour out more love and appreciation. I wish so badly that there was one person in my life that could say to me, “you’re worth everything.” I haven’t found that person, yet. My mother likes to remind me how I have so many [single male] friends. Yes, I do have them. But, despite frequent hopeful attempts and opening my world up to people, I haven’t found the open arms and strong emotional connection I desire. I was just told today, from one of the guys I went on a few dates with last year and am still friends with, that I’m intimidating. It made me chuckle; I’m not scary. I’m very soft and kind-hearted. My girlfriends laughed when one of them said to me “I can’t figure out what’s wrong with you,” in relation to me not having luck with men. I figure it’s the world’s way of saying that the man meant for me is still having work done in his heart and isn’t done “growing” yet. Or, maybe I’m not quite done “growing.”
I’ve come a long way since my days as a fearless high school graduate in Grand Rapids, Michigan. Today I watched “TheUltimate Gift,” a movie I watched years ago and recently read the sequel that was created into a movie as well that is just out in theaters. It’s a tear-jerker and made me think about things that I’ve done, about my life with my dad, about my relationships with my siblings, and about the distance between extended family members. We all seem to create our own families with the people we love around us, blood-relatives or not. I do my best to live in the moment with all of them. This can be difficult with my future-thinking as I move toward my dreams and also with my stresses and deadlines with work and college, but I feel good about my friendships and fearlessly living in the moments.
Another reason why I know I’m struggling now is because for more than five minutes I sat thinking about my life with suppressed fears surfacing; I have fears that I don’t communicate with my family or friends. I put on this happy face and remind myself to be strong every day. I am so grateful for all I have, and I hope that all of my dietary changes in the last few years allow me many, many more years to be grateful for. I remember going to the drive-ins during high school summer break and praying during the meteor shower, desiring more years for my dad even if it mean transferring some of what he was going through to me. But, any good-hearted person going through such a disease wouldn’t wish it upon even their worst enemy. And, writing it out helps me release these worries and stress. It would be a tragedy for me to leave this world without spreading the love and knowledge I have to more people!
WOOOooo!
[And, Sara is smiling again like usual.]
Thursday, September 5, 2013
"How Country Feels" by Randy Houser
Life.
I've kept myself busy, as usual, all summer training and studying, so much so that I'm not sure where the time went. Fall is now fast approaching, college classes have begun again, and the challenge of juggling all of my priorities once again brings stress into my life. My multi-dimensional world feels more like 2D than 3D now, as I rush from day to day to day just trying to keep up. But, please, do not feel sorry for me! I sure don't! Ha ha I've brought this all upon me and strive to conquer it all while maintaining some sort of balance so I may make all my dreams come true.
I'm enjoying my job more than ever. This says a lot because it's taken a long time to feel this comfortable doing what I do and having the team to support the store through all of its processes. I enjoy my boss, and he likes to remind me that I can have a great job without having to complete years and years and years and years of college. He just realized today that I am pursuing my doctorate degree. I do know, too, that he doesn't want me to leave for two years. And, two years is all he has left of me, at most. :)
Dating.
I haven't had much luck dating since I last made a post. I found a decent friend who humored me for a few months, but it was a bit sour from the get-go. Recently, I've had some good conversations and good dates but nothing that has really striked my fancy, nothing that really seemed right all-around. My recent dates have made me enjoy this song: "How Country Feels" by Randy Houser. I've been enjoying the end of summer with some beach dates with my shoes off and feet in the sand. It's hard to know where to go next when I haven't had the best of luck.
My closest mentor recommends that I begin attending yoga conferences, which is completely in alignment with where I see myself in the distant future. Beginning to take yoga classes and looking for a place where I may be able to study yoga for future teaching purposes my be next on my list. I wouldn't even be against working for a health club again. I do see myself being a 90 year old yoga instructor someday, and I wouldn't mind beginning that journey of greater health, balance, and flexibility sooner than later.
My mother had her own thoughts and recommendations this week and was very helpful when she confirmed my own thoughts, without me even suggesting what my own thoughts were first. In my current situation, I know what I want, I know how I want to be treated, and I know that I want someone in my life who wants to become a best friend, perhaps for life. I'm not interested in dating anyone who doesn't see me as a well enough fit to add me to their 'priority friends' list. But, being on that 'priority friends' list isn't enough. I like having certain things like physical activity level and diet in common with those I date. Commonalities help keep people together, just as taking a usual walk with my mom this week allowed us to communicate and improve our bond.
Friends.
This last year, I've seen large improvements in the number of women I have as friends, and the time I spend with them continues to grow. I've switched over to a mostly raw vegan diet, and I am seeking out more friendships with vegetarians and vegans, which is a bit hard in the smaller city I live within. I've suggested my interests in possibly transferring to work in another city to my boss, but I love me team and have great work relationships with all of them. I feel as though I am at that point in my life where anything could be possible, like I'm at an intersection with hundreds of possibilities as far as paths to choose from. And, isn't that life? The world may become smaller and smaller every day, but our possibilities are still endless. I'm at that point, but I do love the place I am at and all the friends I share my world with.
I've kept myself busy, as usual, all summer training and studying, so much so that I'm not sure where the time went. Fall is now fast approaching, college classes have begun again, and the challenge of juggling all of my priorities once again brings stress into my life. My multi-dimensional world feels more like 2D than 3D now, as I rush from day to day to day just trying to keep up. But, please, do not feel sorry for me! I sure don't! Ha ha I've brought this all upon me and strive to conquer it all while maintaining some sort of balance so I may make all my dreams come true.
I'm enjoying my job more than ever. This says a lot because it's taken a long time to feel this comfortable doing what I do and having the team to support the store through all of its processes. I enjoy my boss, and he likes to remind me that I can have a great job without having to complete years and years and years and years of college. He just realized today that I am pursuing my doctorate degree. I do know, too, that he doesn't want me to leave for two years. And, two years is all he has left of me, at most. :)
Dating.
I haven't had much luck dating since I last made a post. I found a decent friend who humored me for a few months, but it was a bit sour from the get-go. Recently, I've had some good conversations and good dates but nothing that has really striked my fancy, nothing that really seemed right all-around. My recent dates have made me enjoy this song: "How Country Feels" by Randy Houser. I've been enjoying the end of summer with some beach dates with my shoes off and feet in the sand. It's hard to know where to go next when I haven't had the best of luck.
My closest mentor recommends that I begin attending yoga conferences, which is completely in alignment with where I see myself in the distant future. Beginning to take yoga classes and looking for a place where I may be able to study yoga for future teaching purposes my be next on my list. I wouldn't even be against working for a health club again. I do see myself being a 90 year old yoga instructor someday, and I wouldn't mind beginning that journey of greater health, balance, and flexibility sooner than later.
My mother had her own thoughts and recommendations this week and was very helpful when she confirmed my own thoughts, without me even suggesting what my own thoughts were first. In my current situation, I know what I want, I know how I want to be treated, and I know that I want someone in my life who wants to become a best friend, perhaps for life. I'm not interested in dating anyone who doesn't see me as a well enough fit to add me to their 'priority friends' list. But, being on that 'priority friends' list isn't enough. I like having certain things like physical activity level and diet in common with those I date. Commonalities help keep people together, just as taking a usual walk with my mom this week allowed us to communicate and improve our bond.
Friends.
This last year, I've seen large improvements in the number of women I have as friends, and the time I spend with them continues to grow. I've switched over to a mostly raw vegan diet, and I am seeking out more friendships with vegetarians and vegans, which is a bit hard in the smaller city I live within. I've suggested my interests in possibly transferring to work in another city to my boss, but I love me team and have great work relationships with all of them. I feel as though I am at that point in my life where anything could be possible, like I'm at an intersection with hundreds of possibilities as far as paths to choose from. And, isn't that life? The world may become smaller and smaller every day, but our possibilities are still endless. I'm at that point, but I do love the place I am at and all the friends I share my world with.
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