So, the day after my last post I had the privilege of crossing paths with two other employers of the company I want to get into. No way! I couldn't believe it, and I'm still so excited to see what comes.
With the good seems to come the bad, though. I'm keeping my head up, but my nightmare of seven years ago has dropped its bags on my doorstep, figuratively speaking. Doctor tests didn't come out as well as I hoped, and more appointments are on their way. Bummer. The next one is this next Tuesday, just around the corner. I'm pissed, literally and thoroughly furious with this bit of information. I'm also scared, but not nearly as much as I am angry and disappointed with the results.
In better news, I had a call come this morning from my wellness coach Holly. She humored me with similarities that we share, as well as clear acknowledgment on how well I do live my life. She's more interested in talking about my marathon training because the rest of my life I handle rather well for where I'm at. I didn't share with her my nightmare in progress. I didn't share to her how off I feel my body is from a year and a half ago. I know how to live healthy, but I also like being checked in on. Holly brightens my day because we are two strong women who know how to battle the days one by one as they come.
One day at a time! I'm tired of doctors! I'm hoping this will take care of some of the pain I've been having over the last year, as if they just missed this through ALL of the tests I had. I want my life back to the full capacity! I've been running and working out, but there are still my tough moments physically that I have to battle like hell through. I want to be rid of all the pain already! But for now, I continue to battle each day one at a time.
Keep strong with me! This time next week I will be with Drew! Ahh... I am so excited!
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Monday, May 16, 2011
THIS IS IT!
I had one of those "it all comes down to this, does it?" moments already today, and it's only 8:45am. I scheduled a meeting with a former coworker at my former employment to drop something off to her. Little did I know how weird and also how normal it felt to be there again amongst all the people that I had developed great friendships with over nearly four years. It was hard to be there, getting hugs from people I had left without them knowing now where I was. And then, there was the one person who I had only dreamed to pass in such a scenario.
Never would I have guessed that the simple chat in talking as we passed by would lead to him extending a hand to help me pursue this position I was hoping to talk to him about at his work. God's got his hand on me. [SCORE!] Now, the ball's in my court to reconnect, send out my resume once again, and hope for the best! I feel like this could really be it!
If it weren't for Drew I probably would believe that I could do this. This is so me! And, Drew wants free shoes! Ha.
Never would I have guessed that the simple chat in talking as we passed by would lead to him extending a hand to help me pursue this position I was hoping to talk to him about at his work. God's got his hand on me. [SCORE!] Now, the ball's in my court to reconnect, send out my resume once again, and hope for the best! I feel like this could really be it!
If it weren't for Drew I probably would believe that I could do this. This is so me! And, Drew wants free shoes! Ha.
Sunday, May 15, 2011
I've Been Pissed Lately
Rarrr! Hear me bleed bloody words out of my mouth! Rarr!
I finally felt like myself and was actually tempted to go shopping, but I resisted. Instead..., I had an awesome day of "cooking." I wish I had taken pictures of my progress. I started at about 3am working on baking the chickpeas and later on just before noon steamed up some veggies . I was hoping to get a good run in, but I opted out; I had considered biking the length instead too. But, the weather was cold, rainy, and windy this morning, and I do not want to challenge my immune system against a cold right now.
...
Yesterday night, I made a snack hoping that tahini, honey, and cocoa would taste like a nice fudge. I was greatly disappointed, but when I exchange the tahini for almond butter and add a little, little bit of water... wahla! Brilliant with slices of banana! LOVE!
I love food. I also discovered my love for the jicama root, which comes from Mexico and is part of the pea family. It looks on the inside like a white potato but can be eaten raw, which I absolutely love, and tastes just like sweet peas. I'm sure I've eaten more than half of the thing that was bigger than my two fists put together.
I'm feeling really good right now and am nearing a bit of tiredness. I guess I should get ready for a nap before the kids get home early with miss thang whiny dog... since their ball game for today was canceled. Bummer.
I finally felt like myself and was actually tempted to go shopping, but I resisted. Instead..., I had an awesome day of "cooking." I wish I had taken pictures of my progress. I started at about 3am working on baking the chickpeas and later on just before noon steamed up some veggies . I was hoping to get a good run in, but I opted out; I had considered biking the length instead too. But, the weather was cold, rainy, and windy this morning, and I do not want to challenge my immune system against a cold right now.
...
Yesterday night, I made a snack hoping that tahini, honey, and cocoa would taste like a nice fudge. I was greatly disappointed, but when I exchange the tahini for almond butter and add a little, little bit of water... wahla! Brilliant with slices of banana! LOVE!
I love food. I also discovered my love for the jicama root, which comes from Mexico and is part of the pea family. It looks on the inside like a white potato but can be eaten raw, which I absolutely love, and tastes just like sweet peas. I'm sure I've eaten more than half of the thing that was bigger than my two fists put together.
I'm feeling really good right now and am nearing a bit of tiredness. I guess I should get ready for a nap before the kids get home early with miss thang whiny dog... since their ball game for today was canceled. Bummer.
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
I'm Sad, Lonely, and Depressing.
I like third shifts because I can manage myself. I also like them because I have, at least currently, Marcia, who is like a personal therapist. For all the people I come across who I find I have a hard time relating to, she puts everything into perspective and tells me exactly how it is. It helps me not feel alone. On third shifts with Marcia, I feel good about myself and the fight I've been giving.
My life surrounds the life of my dad, and the fight he gave. When I'm alone, I cry a lot of tears while thinking of my dad. I'm sure it would kill my dad worse to see me sad and upset, but sometimes it's the only place I can hide for a while to charge my damn, stubborn, Zimmerman, Energizer batteries that I run my life on. I used to drown myself in work, but it was honest to God killing me internally.
My life surrounds the life of my dad, and the fight he gave. When I'm alone, I cry a lot of tears while thinking of my dad. I'm sure it would kill my dad worse to see me sad and upset, but sometimes it's the only place I can hide for a while to charge my damn, stubborn, Zimmerman, Energizer batteries that I run my life on. I used to drown myself in work, but it was honest to God killing me internally.
Saturday, May 7, 2011
Surviving Yesterday
I hadn't slept well yesterday morning or the previous evening for that matter. I knew I wanted to get my hour run in, and I did successfully complete it. The sun was out as I ran and the temperatures only rose. I knew I was overdressed half way through. I feared I hadn't eaten enough the night before or may have been a bit dehydrated. Immediately after I took in fluids, a bit of food, and went to bed only to lie there eyes wide open.
So, I got up and left the house to meet my sister for lunch. I knew I was tired. I felt nauseous. I was far too warm. I wondered if I had reached the point of heatstroke. The symptoms are always the same though, and the nausea is common for me with all the struggling I went through last year with the doctors and no solutions found. I took my whole lunch home, only a few bites taken out of it, drove home alright, and tried my best to sleep.
I don't know that I've ever slept worse. I was miserable. I tossed and turned. I know some of it was exhaustion both physically and mentally. I know some of it could be anxiety from looking for places to move into. I've felt great lately, so this absolutely sucked. I do not want to find myself back where I was last year. I've done my best to fight my way back. Maybe I was deficient in a vitamin or mineral; I've been forgetting to take my dailies. I took a B12, finally took in some food, and tried again at the sleeping thing. Eventually I got it and just woke around 1am, but this was awful.
I'm feeling chills now, so at least I know my body temperature is down. I think I need to watch the heart rate while I run more than I had today, but that's absolutely frustrating. I just want this body to work more like it used to. Looks like I'll try running my week three training over again, and see how another hour at the end of this next week works out for me.
So, I got up and left the house to meet my sister for lunch. I knew I was tired. I felt nauseous. I was far too warm. I wondered if I had reached the point of heatstroke. The symptoms are always the same though, and the nausea is common for me with all the struggling I went through last year with the doctors and no solutions found. I took my whole lunch home, only a few bites taken out of it, drove home alright, and tried my best to sleep.
I don't know that I've ever slept worse. I was miserable. I tossed and turned. I know some of it was exhaustion both physically and mentally. I know some of it could be anxiety from looking for places to move into. I've felt great lately, so this absolutely sucked. I do not want to find myself back where I was last year. I've done my best to fight my way back. Maybe I was deficient in a vitamin or mineral; I've been forgetting to take my dailies. I took a B12, finally took in some food, and tried again at the sleeping thing. Eventually I got it and just woke around 1am, but this was awful.
I'm feeling chills now, so at least I know my body temperature is down. I think I need to watch the heart rate while I run more than I had today, but that's absolutely frustrating. I just want this body to work more like it used to. Looks like I'll try running my week three training over again, and see how another hour at the end of this next week works out for me.
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