If you're here reading this, you've either landed upon it from my body fitness site link, my facebook link, or have randomly by search engine for something that probably isn't here. If you're here from facebook and the big sky country, then you shouldn't be here. RATHER, you should be calling me or texting me even if I'm at work or sleeping or cleaning up poopy cat butts. This is my life right now, and, if you miss me, you should tell me.
Last night's conversation felt good, despite the fact of things being far from optimal in my family. I miss talking to you. I think I long missed talking to you, perhaps for many many months. Teleport. I could have used a hug. I could have used a really good haven't-seen-Sara-in-months kind of hug. I can play it strong, but I'm still at less than optimal myself. I am really sorry I am not better for you, or was better for you when we spent time together. But, last night sure was nice.
I still don't understand what happened. I wish I did. I had been so frustrated and angry trying to figure it out for so long, and then last night we spoke again. You don't have to check-in here. I hardly have the time or patience to write anymore, especially with limited internet and a failing computer. Just call me. Then teleport.
Monday, August 15, 2011
Monday, July 4, 2011
"Working On A Mystery"
Someone, perhaps someones, from Grand Rapids is visiting my site, directly, more than I have the last couple days. That's almost creepy. Who are you?
I've been studying a lot lately, really getting into the nitty-gritty of what I can do to my diet and nutrition to really feel better. Sleep has definitely helped, but I've still been having my down days. I felt great last night at work and tested my blood pressure and heart rate. Heart rate was really relaxed for a night at work at 65 while I sat for only a moment. And, my blood pressure was something like 105/65. I always have really good blood pressure, but its that heart rate I struggle with. I think feeling fully rested after sleeping on and off all day really made the difference. But, I've been eating a lot better the last couple of days too.
I found NoMeatAthlete.com and feel like I've read from one page to the next for several hours over the last couple days. I'm not sure if I will ever be able to watch the "Earthlings" movie, as the trailer was enough to make me never want to eat meat again, but the information on the site certainly makes me want to work harder on my diet. We are what we eat. Our futures come from what we do today.
The future.
I've been living one day at a time, but I always find myself dating based on what I want for my future. It's lead me down the right path so far and keeps me close to the trail, so why should I quit? I hate dating. It's awful. I don't specifically like at this point in my life having someone around 24-7. Another reason, perhaps, that Oregon was so difficult for me. I'm not used to being around any one person! I need a best friend, though, if its ever to work; Oregon just wasn't that. And, yes, my progress is slow.
The list of things that I would love to do right now in my life is so extensive. I'm seriously thinking about what my brother said to me on one very inspiring and emotional night. He made a comment on my paintings that really touched my heart, and then went on to humor me with one sad looking stick figure. Ha. I may start painting again. It's one of those things that I can get very lost in, and I may just have luck with a piece or two in the future. It would entertain me through the tough days at least.
I'm going to have to get really tough with myself about my training schedules as well. I've nearly taped them to my forehead, but I haven't been resting and eating consistently and similarly have been falling off schedule. My friend Dan ensures me I probably needed the break, as I probably was taking on too much too fast. I should know better. Ha. I'm back to lifting the iron, which feels great. I'm still dealing with issues I'd rather be done with, but the process of finding a way to manage the syptoms has been more pleasant. I think I'm just about there; I just dislike how much time it takes to go the extra distance in preventing a bad day! Ha.
Keep up with me! I have a lot of things going on right now!
I've been studying a lot lately, really getting into the nitty-gritty of what I can do to my diet and nutrition to really feel better. Sleep has definitely helped, but I've still been having my down days. I felt great last night at work and tested my blood pressure and heart rate. Heart rate was really relaxed for a night at work at 65 while I sat for only a moment. And, my blood pressure was something like 105/65. I always have really good blood pressure, but its that heart rate I struggle with. I think feeling fully rested after sleeping on and off all day really made the difference. But, I've been eating a lot better the last couple of days too.
I found NoMeatAthlete.com and feel like I've read from one page to the next for several hours over the last couple days. I'm not sure if I will ever be able to watch the "Earthlings" movie, as the trailer was enough to make me never want to eat meat again, but the information on the site certainly makes me want to work harder on my diet. We are what we eat. Our futures come from what we do today.
The future.
I've been living one day at a time, but I always find myself dating based on what I want for my future. It's lead me down the right path so far and keeps me close to the trail, so why should I quit? I hate dating. It's awful. I don't specifically like at this point in my life having someone around 24-7. Another reason, perhaps, that Oregon was so difficult for me. I'm not used to being around any one person! I need a best friend, though, if its ever to work; Oregon just wasn't that. And, yes, my progress is slow.
The list of things that I would love to do right now in my life is so extensive. I'm seriously thinking about what my brother said to me on one very inspiring and emotional night. He made a comment on my paintings that really touched my heart, and then went on to humor me with one sad looking stick figure. Ha. I may start painting again. It's one of those things that I can get very lost in, and I may just have luck with a piece or two in the future. It would entertain me through the tough days at least.
I'm going to have to get really tough with myself about my training schedules as well. I've nearly taped them to my forehead, but I haven't been resting and eating consistently and similarly have been falling off schedule. My friend Dan ensures me I probably needed the break, as I probably was taking on too much too fast. I should know better. Ha. I'm back to lifting the iron, which feels great. I'm still dealing with issues I'd rather be done with, but the process of finding a way to manage the syptoms has been more pleasant. I think I'm just about there; I just dislike how much time it takes to go the extra distance in preventing a bad day! Ha.
Keep up with me! I have a lot of things going on right now!
Monday, June 27, 2011
Angry at Great Falls
So, I have my feedjit account that tells me who stops in to visit. The the night of June 20th Great Falls stopped in. Surprise. You, Great Falls, didn't read the one post about you that I deleted. I hope you don't think of me much longer. I don't know what it was that made you second guess everything and let me go. Craziness. I wish I knew better the details. I wanted you in my dream. I told my friend Nick about you yesterday, and his supportive self helped me through some of the issues that I had trouble with you.
Take nine eleven. Nick told me similarly how horrible it is that I would think so poorly about our country having involvement. But, when he also said how poorly some people choose to do their jobs to prevent such an event, then everything made more sense. I see how poorly people do their jobs everyday. I wish we wouldn't have fought over this. I hate to think that you may think poorly of me for thinking as I have.
I wanted to share things with you. Take running. I was always a runner. It helps my heart condition stay under control better than if I don't. I enjoy the alone time in the outdoors, in the rain especially and in sand. Hail and wind and cold water made Oregon's beach fun; that will always be a good memory. I wish I had been healthier and felt better. I wanted to run a marathon because I felt it would bring us together, give us a reason to celebrate. I want my dream more though. I need to move forward from here just for me. Looking at my marathon training schedule makes me think of you daily; I want to be able to let you go.
I think about you late at night at work when it is really slow. I think about whether I would still feel for you if you walked into the building at any moment looking for me. I know better. I don't know what I have to offer you. I'm not the right person for you at this point in my life. I have no money. And, I bet I was fairly depressing to hang out with in Oregon. I think if I saw you again I'd cry and tell you to leave me.
I need this, to be apart from you, to be able to focus more on me. And still, I questioned Nick about the helicopter pilots in Iraq. He told me you probably wouldn't be there long. He told me that things happen but rarely. It sounds like you'll be pretty safe over there. And, if not, Nick will come to find what's left of you, lol. I know that's not funny.
My mother is getting married in less than a month. I imagine my brother will in the next year. My sister did this year. My sister is going to give birth in a couple months. None of it really excites me. I am absolutely depressing. I am absolutely depressing. I'm sad. I cried again today while I wrote this. I'm angry you stopped by. I know its you. You come from Facebook. Who else would come directly?
And, to think I probably watched for you for a week or two as well. It's perfect that you waited. I'm still angry. Frustrated. Disappointed. But, I'll keep telling myself I'm over it. I've been getting a lot of support from everyone back home. I'm doing okay. I'll be okay, trust me. The doctors are taking great care of me.
Take nine eleven. Nick told me similarly how horrible it is that I would think so poorly about our country having involvement. But, when he also said how poorly some people choose to do their jobs to prevent such an event, then everything made more sense. I see how poorly people do their jobs everyday. I wish we wouldn't have fought over this. I hate to think that you may think poorly of me for thinking as I have.
I wanted to share things with you. Take running. I was always a runner. It helps my heart condition stay under control better than if I don't. I enjoy the alone time in the outdoors, in the rain especially and in sand. Hail and wind and cold water made Oregon's beach fun; that will always be a good memory. I wish I had been healthier and felt better. I wanted to run a marathon because I felt it would bring us together, give us a reason to celebrate. I want my dream more though. I need to move forward from here just for me. Looking at my marathon training schedule makes me think of you daily; I want to be able to let you go.
I think about you late at night at work when it is really slow. I think about whether I would still feel for you if you walked into the building at any moment looking for me. I know better. I don't know what I have to offer you. I'm not the right person for you at this point in my life. I have no money. And, I bet I was fairly depressing to hang out with in Oregon. I think if I saw you again I'd cry and tell you to leave me.
I need this, to be apart from you, to be able to focus more on me. And still, I questioned Nick about the helicopter pilots in Iraq. He told me you probably wouldn't be there long. He told me that things happen but rarely. It sounds like you'll be pretty safe over there. And, if not, Nick will come to find what's left of you, lol. I know that's not funny.
My mother is getting married in less than a month. I imagine my brother will in the next year. My sister did this year. My sister is going to give birth in a couple months. None of it really excites me. I am absolutely depressing. I am absolutely depressing. I'm sad. I cried again today while I wrote this. I'm angry you stopped by. I know its you. You come from Facebook. Who else would come directly?
And, to think I probably watched for you for a week or two as well. It's perfect that you waited. I'm still angry. Frustrated. Disappointed. But, I'll keep telling myself I'm over it. I've been getting a lot of support from everyone back home. I'm doing okay. I'll be okay, trust me. The doctors are taking great care of me.
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
A Little Bit of Love!
[Thank you Shakira!]
I get to see my doctor next Tuesday. They found a location of mutation cells from all the tests they ran the day before I left for Oregon. It's kind of a relief, though it sucks still, that they found anything. This last year has been awful, really, for me. If nothing else, thank God for Drew to help keep me sane! I still wish that Oregon would have gone so much differently, but live and learn. Still, the doctors are telling me the area is precancerous but not to worry because they're going to get it out. And, that makes me feel so much better. Surgery then more testing after 3-4 months to determine whether I can rest easy and just deal with my digestive issues, lol, and that will be the end of it. Hopefully.
I have yet to understand how much time I should take off work, but at least the timing is right. My temptation rightfully refuses to tempt, the pilot is long gone, and I'm in this time of transition with just about everything. And, since I've been feeling really well and coming up healthy in all the tests, recovery should be simple. Maria brought home a 2011 daily sudoku calendar to keep my mind off everything, especially Oregon, and you can tell how well its been working, right? I love her for it! But, it is nice to feel like all the stress and pain my poor immune system (thank goodness it is strong) has been dealing with may have a better 2012. I am already looking forward to it!
I'm still dealing with the gastritis, and I struggled with it in Oregon a lot, especially since drinking a lot would have probably lightened the mood every day. We should have went to the bars daily; I'm just not that kind of person with the pain that alcohol can cause in my digestive system! Fudge, right! And, I am enjoying my caffeine in limited doses being back home, and it sure does help keep me in great spirits. I'm feeling really great though, continuously, and life is just getting better and better as I am getting past all the shit I've dealt with this last year. Conclusions brighten my mood these days! Whoo!
Today is a light running day, but I have yet to tackle it. I slept mostly through the night, a shocker being a third shifter, but I think I'll eat another meal, hit the weights on upper body and a lil' back, then run before late as the temperatures cool down outdoors and the caffeine in my system wears off. I've been feeling really strong. :D This world is in for it! Watch out! This gal is back! I only fear what my doctors are going to tell me as far as restrictions and recovery time. Will I be able to swim? Have a beer after work? Keep running on schedule? We will see!
Either way with it all... I am happy. I know I'm on the right path still. I feel like it is a clearer path as well. How can I really be this happy today? (!) :D Love you all.
I get to see my doctor next Tuesday. They found a location of mutation cells from all the tests they ran the day before I left for Oregon. It's kind of a relief, though it sucks still, that they found anything. This last year has been awful, really, for me. If nothing else, thank God for Drew to help keep me sane! I still wish that Oregon would have gone so much differently, but live and learn. Still, the doctors are telling me the area is precancerous but not to worry because they're going to get it out. And, that makes me feel so much better. Surgery then more testing after 3-4 months to determine whether I can rest easy and just deal with my digestive issues, lol, and that will be the end of it. Hopefully.
I have yet to understand how much time I should take off work, but at least the timing is right. My temptation rightfully refuses to tempt, the pilot is long gone, and I'm in this time of transition with just about everything. And, since I've been feeling really well and coming up healthy in all the tests, recovery should be simple. Maria brought home a 2011 daily sudoku calendar to keep my mind off everything, especially Oregon, and you can tell how well its been working, right? I love her for it! But, it is nice to feel like all the stress and pain my poor immune system (thank goodness it is strong) has been dealing with may have a better 2012. I am already looking forward to it!
I'm still dealing with the gastritis, and I struggled with it in Oregon a lot, especially since drinking a lot would have probably lightened the mood every day. We should have went to the bars daily; I'm just not that kind of person with the pain that alcohol can cause in my digestive system! Fudge, right! And, I am enjoying my caffeine in limited doses being back home, and it sure does help keep me in great spirits. I'm feeling really great though, continuously, and life is just getting better and better as I am getting past all the shit I've dealt with this last year. Conclusions brighten my mood these days! Whoo!
Today is a light running day, but I have yet to tackle it. I slept mostly through the night, a shocker being a third shifter, but I think I'll eat another meal, hit the weights on upper body and a lil' back, then run before late as the temperatures cool down outdoors and the caffeine in my system wears off. I've been feeling really strong. :D This world is in for it! Watch out! This gal is back! I only fear what my doctors are going to tell me as far as restrictions and recovery time. Will I be able to swim? Have a beer after work? Keep running on schedule? We will see!
Either way with it all... I am happy. I know I'm on the right path still. I feel like it is a clearer path as well. How can I really be this happy today? (!) :D Love you all.
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Temptation and Family
"An Ode To Maybe" ... It brings back my younger years like nothing else.
Training is going well. I am getting back to the weights, but I am also staying consistent with the running. I'm excited the direction this body I'm in is going. Especially since I may only have one or two more doctor visits this year before they clear me of the crud I've been dealing with. I'm off ALL medications this week. I'm hoping the pain stays at a minimum. I've been getting by really well.
My extended family has been amazing to me this past week, and I am so grateful! I keep running into more and more familiar faces, and the love they extend out to me in response to recent events is amazing. Losing my dad, to a bummer Europe trip, to seriously ill, to a bummer Oregon trip... A bit more theanine in my diet and I am good to go!
Oregon was interesting. It was the complete opposite of my European adventure, and it was far too much driving. The first two days were the best. The last couple were really tough. Walking around the park in Bend was pretty, but I felt eaten alive in conversation. And, when the tears started to fall, I was ready to leave that day. But, things got better that night with the run, and I guess I'm really just glad I made it out feeling good. It could've been a lot worse; I could have gotten sick. I know I felt really dizzy that last day. I hope skipping a meal was the cause. I can't worry about it; I survived.
Temptation. I need my best pal. The one I pushed back when I met Drew, hoping he'd be it. I need my laughing buddy. I need my law-breaking, crazy-talking, van-driving, cycle-correcting, Spanish-speaking, gypsy friend. I need my [using my best movie announcing voice] "the Separator" hero. I need our laughs and great company. I miss the many laughs of high quality realness! Bring 'em! I need my friend back!
I'm outta here. I have work to do!
Training is going well. I am getting back to the weights, but I am also staying consistent with the running. I'm excited the direction this body I'm in is going. Especially since I may only have one or two more doctor visits this year before they clear me of the crud I've been dealing with. I'm off ALL medications this week. I'm hoping the pain stays at a minimum. I've been getting by really well.
My extended family has been amazing to me this past week, and I am so grateful! I keep running into more and more familiar faces, and the love they extend out to me in response to recent events is amazing. Losing my dad, to a bummer Europe trip, to seriously ill, to a bummer Oregon trip... A bit more theanine in my diet and I am good to go!
Oregon was interesting. It was the complete opposite of my European adventure, and it was far too much driving. The first two days were the best. The last couple were really tough. Walking around the park in Bend was pretty, but I felt eaten alive in conversation. And, when the tears started to fall, I was ready to leave that day. But, things got better that night with the run, and I guess I'm really just glad I made it out feeling good. It could've been a lot worse; I could have gotten sick. I know I felt really dizzy that last day. I hope skipping a meal was the cause. I can't worry about it; I survived.
Temptation. I need my best pal. The one I pushed back when I met Drew, hoping he'd be it. I need my laughing buddy. I need my law-breaking, crazy-talking, van-driving, cycle-correcting, Spanish-speaking, gypsy friend. I need my [using my best movie announcing voice] "the Separator" hero. I need our laughs and great company. I miss the many laughs of high quality realness! Bring 'em! I need my friend back!
I'm outta here. I have work to do!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
