“We are all functioning at a small fraction of our capacity to live fully in its total meaning of loving, caring, creating and adventuring. Consequently, the actualizing of our potential can become the most exciting adventure of our lifetime.” - Herbert Otto
I am seated in perhaps the most expensive house I have ever found myself in that wasn’t a Parade of Homes home. I should be excited, amused, just loving this... and yet I’m not. I’m angry, tired, and grumpy as ever. The house is completely empty of people and silent, and yet this is not my house, my life, and doesn’t have me loving the fact that it is on a lake since it is so cold outside. Ben is with me, and still I am not my happy, calm self.
At my “small fraction” I am not at peace. I am frustrated with myself beyond what I know. I constantly have two lives fighting over my future as though one might be the angel side and the other the devil side. I don’t know what I am doing, and so I run from the one that will lead me into the spotlight. But then again, it is everything in moderation, right?
Balance training is what I am currently studying in my sport training class, and it’s completely relevant. Balance is something I don’t have a lot of in my life. Balance occurs by itself quite naturally. There are things I know I need to do, things I need to get done that are just not getting done on their own. I need to get to those things or I will not be satisfied, will not be happy.
I haven’t been enjoying myself lately. I need to be able to reward myself, and I just haven’t been. I need to take time away from work and studies to just be me away from any struggles, people, or worries. I don’t do that enough. I need to get out and run or spend some time in the gym. But then again, being at the gym makes me angry because I work there; I am constantly interrupted by people who recognize me from the morning staff. I need to get out of my head.
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