"I Want To Fly Away"

"I Want To Get Away"

So, everyone has been great at work.  What a last couple days!  From hugs from Marcia, Brad, Gary, etc..., the willing bodies from 2nd shift to take a road trip and offer to do damage (jokingly and lovingly), to the offers from the young guys in the back to take care of any of my needs.  Ha.  Seriously!

I need these two days away from work.  Yet, here I sat trying to finish The Endurance before the library due date.  With a 5pm appointment to check out a house and having had my first cup of coffee in a long time, I don't think I'll be sleeping til dark today.  I postponed my run til tomorrow, due to today's rain.  And, I think I'll attempt the 8.7 hilly miles tomorrow.  I think I'm scheduled for a 90 minute run, but I know I'll probably be a bit over.  We will see.  The weather looks perfect after the rain clears tomorrow morning.

I tried working some of the knots out of my back with Ally's tennis ball, but I know I'm still due for a visit with Stephanie.  It's on my long list of things to do.  The docs didn't like what they found from the testing done the day before I left to see Drew.  Another appointment will happen in the near future.  Bummer on top of bummer.  Maybe just one or two last visits?  I'm still not planning on having the surgery they recommended last fall.  Maybe down the road, but I'm maintaining everything rather well right now.  I've been feeling really good compared to all the days in the last year.

This feeling good is awesome, and this next week shall be huge in my search and determination for new employment.  It's been too long already.  I'm fighting, and I want the next big promotion.  It's mine.  Mary even said last night how excited she is to have me as her protege.  Game on.  This race is mine!  I shall not be disqualified!  Hear me roar!  I've had enough!

The Battle Continues...

So, the day after my last post I had the privilege of crossing paths with two other employers of the company I want to get into.  No way!  I couldn't believe it, and I'm still so excited to see what comes.

With the good seems to come the bad, though.  I'm keeping my head up, but my nightmare of seven years ago has dropped its bags on my doorstep, figuratively speaking.  Doctor tests didn't come out as well as I hoped, and more appointments are on their way.  Bummer.  The next one is this next Tuesday, just around the corner.  I'm pissed, literally and thoroughly furious with this bit of information.  I'm also scared, but not nearly as much as I am angry and disappointed with the results.

In better news, I had a call come this morning from my wellness coach Holly.  She humored me with similarities that we share, as well as clear acknowledgment on how well I do live my life.  She's more interested in talking about my marathon training because the rest of my life I handle rather well for where I'm at.  I didn't share with her my nightmare in progress.  I didn't share to her how off I feel my body is from a year and a half ago.  I know how to live healthy, but I also like being checked in on.  Holly brightens my day because we are two strong women who know how to battle the days one by one as they come.

One day at a time!  I'm tired of doctors!  I'm hoping this will take care of some of the pain I've been having over the last year, as if they just missed this through ALL of the tests I had.  I want my life back to the full capacity!  I've been running and working out, but there are still my tough moments physically that I have to battle like hell through.  I want to be rid of all the pain already!  But for now, I continue to battle each day one at a time.

Keep strong with me!  This time next week I will be with Drew!  Ahh... I am so excited!

THIS IS IT!

I had one of those "it all comes down to this, does it?" moments already today, and it's only 8:45am.  I scheduled a meeting with a former coworker at my former employment to drop something off to her.  Little did I know how weird and also how normal it felt to be there again amongst all the people that I had developed great friendships with over nearly four years.  It was hard to be there, getting hugs from people I had left without them knowing now where I was.  And then, there was the one person who I had only dreamed to pass in such a scenario.

Never would I have guessed that the simple chat in talking as we passed by would lead to him extending a hand to help me pursue this position I was hoping to talk to him about at his work.  God's got his hand on me.  [SCORE!]  Now, the ball's in my court to reconnect, send out my resume once again, and hope for the best!  I feel like this could really be it!

If it weren't for Drew I probably would believe that I could do this.  This is so me!  And, Drew wants free shoes!  Ha.

I've Been Pissed Lately

Rarrr!  Hear me bleed bloody words out of my mouth!  Rarr!

I finally felt like myself and was actually tempted to go shopping, but I resisted.  Instead..., I had an awesome day of "cooking."  I wish I had taken pictures of my progress.  I started at about 3am working on baking the chickpeas and later on just before noon steamed up some veggies .  I was hoping to get a good run in, but I opted out; I had considered biking the length instead too.  But, the weather was cold, rainy, and windy this morning, and I do not want to challenge my immune system against a cold right now.

...

Yesterday night, I made a snack hoping that tahini, honey, and cocoa would taste like a nice fudge.  I was greatly disappointed, but when I exchange the tahini for almond butter and add a little, little bit of water... wahla!  Brilliant with slices of banana!  LOVE!

I love food.  I also discovered my love for the jicama root, which comes from Mexico and is part of the pea family.  It looks on the inside like a white potato but can be eaten raw, which I absolutely love, and tastes just like sweet peas.  I'm sure I've eaten more than half of the thing that was bigger than my two fists put together.

I'm feeling really good right now and am nearing a bit of tiredness.  I guess I should get ready for a nap before the kids get home early with miss thang whiny dog... since their ball game for today was canceled.  Bummer.

I'm Sad, Lonely, and Depressing.

I like third shifts because I can manage myself.  I also like them because I have, at least currently, Marcia, who is like a personal therapist.  For all the people I come across who I find I have a hard time relating to, she puts everything into perspective and tells me exactly how it is.  It helps me not feel alone.  On third shifts with Marcia, I feel good about myself and the fight I've been giving.

My life surrounds the life of my dad, and the fight he gave.  When I'm alone, I cry a lot of tears while thinking of my dad.  I'm sure it would kill my dad worse to see me sad and upset, but sometimes it's the only place I can hide for a while to charge my damn, stubborn, Zimmerman, Energizer batteries that I run my life on.  I used to drown myself in work, but it was honest to God killing me internally.