"A Thousand Eyes"

"I don't know what to do now."  - Dan Millman in Peaceful Warrior

I have been one of those people who turns out their porch lights hoping to be left alone.  I currently enjoy my alone time as I am now lost, mostly in my head, on what to do next.  The answers used to be so easy.  It was school to college.  It was growing up into a working adult; I have been working two jobs for three years, and one of those two for a total of eight now.   I went from drinking and dating to a lot of working and training.  I pushed away most of those that have ever volunteered their time to me, and I volunteered my time to those all too willing to take it.  I stopped going to church, and then I searched for years trying to find answers while my father passed away.  I ran off to another country hopeful for love but found myself home weeks later and sick.  I turned out my porch lights mentally long ago, and I have been left alone.

"Everything has a purpose, Dan, even this.  It's up to you to find it."

My family is great, don't get me wrong.  They'd be here in a heartbeat if I weren't too stubborn to ask for help.  I have a few close friends who wish I would call them more often, and I'm sure they'd be more than willing to be here for me as well.  But, some things require clearing my own mind, fishing through it all, and finding my new direction.  This is especially true while I am doing the best to nurse myself back to health.  The second round of fasting and cleansing began this afternoon.  Look for another update tomorrow.

"Death isn't sad; the sad thing is that most [people] don't live at all."